“Danny’s Demons” – Danny cries out in frustration while he is trying to find his mother’s killer.
Republisher’s Note: A nice introspective one off.
Author’s Note: Disclaimer: Wish I owned these characters, but I don’t.
This story takes place as Danny walks along the beach. He ends up at the place where Mick died, and where he almost killed Michelle. It is written from Danny’s point of view. He has just been to see Michelle at the Bauer house, and again promised her that once he finds the person who tried to hurt his mother, he’ll be back by her side.
Danny’s Demons By Amy
Who do I think I am? What right do I have to expect anything from her? Much less to expect that she’ll wait around for me while I take care of my family’s dirty business. She is pure and clean – everything I’ve ever wanted to be. Everything I’ll never be. I’ll never be worthy of her. I should just cut her loose, let her go. But how can I? I tried that, twice before, and she came back to me. God she is so stubborn, and I love that about her. Hell, I love everything about her. What is it that she loves about me?
Looking at her today almost killed me. There she was, this perfect creature, giving me a love that I will never deserve, saying she’ll be there when my business is finished. I hate putting her through this. I hate dragging her through the ugly mess of my life and my family. She has had nothing but hurt and disappointment from my family. First there was Mick. Mick, my big brother. I know what a jerk he could be. I know how violent he was. And he tried to hurt her, to rape her. Damn it Mick, if you were still around I’d strangle you myself. Then there’s me, nosing around in her life, stirring up trouble, ruining everything she had. And Mama, could she do anything more to make Michelle miserable? Don’t even think that – I know what she’s capable of, too.
There it is – the place it all started. I couldn’t do it, though, because even then I loved her. But I never imagined that she’d ever feel anything thing but disgust for me, even after I spared her life. My life has spun out of control since that moment, when I decided I could not take her life. If I could go back, would I change things? Hell no! Even if I never lay eyes on her again, I have known real love. I have felt love for another human being – a love for which I want nothing in return. And she has loved me. My life will never be the same.
But that’s not all that happened here. Mick tried to rape her here, and he almost succeeded. The thought of his hands on her body makes me sick. Do I really think I’m any better? Trying to manipulate her into my bed the way I did during our marriage? I couldn’t help myself, I loved her so much. Thank God she never gave in to me. I would never be able to forgive myself if I’d made love to her, knowing her heart wasn’t in it. I don’t want to be my brother.
(He was talking out loud now) “God, if You’re listening to me, please find a way to bring us together. I know I have no right to ask you for anything, considering my life. But I want to change. Michelle’s love has proven to me that there is good in me. I want to make up for the pain my family and I have caused her. But I don’t know how to untangle this nasty web. I just know that I love her.”
“Make me worthy of her.”
(Louder) “Make me worthy of her!”
(Yelling now) “I don’t want to be my brother! I don’t want to be like Mick!”
“I will not be my brother! I will not be like Mick!”
(At the top of his voice) “I WILL be the man you deserve, Michelle!”
With that, Danny collapsed on the sand. He hadn’t seen Michelle standing there, out of site, while he gave his lonely soliloquy.
He was only aware of her presence when she touched his hair. He looked up and saw her standing there. He couldn’t breathe.
She dropped to her knees in the sand, to face him, and whispered to him, “You already are, Danny. You already are.”