Archive for the ‘Manny Fanfic’ Category

I Will By Jennifer Hallmark

February 24, 2017

From “The Rustle of the Sheets”

Author’s Note: Of course, by the time just about everyone reads this a completely different thing will have happened on Guiding Light, but heck, this was fun to write (and hopefully will be fun to read) … so enjoy!

Bear in mind, as this is a story, there is actual closure. I don’t expect anything to even resemble a scene like this for months. Oh well, half the fun in loving as soap couple is the journey along the way.

Disclaimers: Guiding Light and the characters of Danny and Michelle belong to CBS, Proctor and Gamble, Paul Rauch and of course, Paul Anthony Stewart and Joie Lenz — who breathe incredible life into them.

Rating: PG-13 for some language and kissing.

I Will By Jennifer Hallmark

Summary: Danny confronts Michelle about her “blindness” and her contact with the F.B.I.

Timeline: This takes place right after Friday, March 5th — the episode where Michelle tried to keep Danny away from the docks to avoid the F.B.I. entrapment.

Danny was quiet, not trusting himself to speak as he stared at Michelle. She looked nervous, twisting her hands — she always did that when she was nervous. She kept glancing away from him and he felt the bitterness swell up inside him again. He was a fool! A fool to have trusted her, even for a moment. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Check your emotions, check your emotions, he repeated to himself … don’t let her get to you. He heard her shift next to him, she was standing closer and he could feel the heat of her filling the air around him. He took a step away and opened his eyes, looking at his ‘wife.’

“We need to go somewhere else,” he looked around him, expecting Dietz or his mother to show up with accusations and threats. Michelle nodded anxiously. “We need to go someplace private,” he continued, “someplace, you know, where we won’t be overheard or be interrupted.” Again, he looked around and Michelle followed his gaze, her anxiety noticeably growing.

“Uhm, Aunt Meta and Abby are probably at my — at my old house, so that wouldn’t be a good place,” she paused and cast her eyes around, trying to think of a more appropriate location. “There’s — no,” she cut herself off, “Drew would be at her place, or,” her voice lowered, “Jesse would probably be there.”

Danny clenched his teeth and let out a quick exhalation of breath, and practically hissed the name, “Jesse.” Michelle looked away, flinching slightly, she bit her bottom lip and then hurriedly offered, “we could go to the park?”

“And anybody walking by could hear us,” Danny countered with.

“Okaay,” she replied, a touch of irritation shading the word, despite her guilt over the situation with the F.B.I. “Oh, my dad has a cabin?”

Danny turned and looked at her, “your dad?”

“Yeah, you never met –” Danny cut her off with a bitter acknowledgement. “I know, he’s the one you were too ashamed to tell about me, so he found out about our wedding after the fact.”

Michelle flushed slightly, but continued, “yeah, well, we can go to the cabin. It will be private. No one will disturb us.”

Danny was silent for a moment, gnawing at his lower lip, finally he nodded his head, “good.” He turned from her and headed to the front door, opening it, he stopped and without looking back at her and added, “you drive.”

“So,” Michelle began as she buckled herself into the driver’s seat.

“No,” Danny cut her off, “no, I can’t — you know, I just can’t do this yet.”

Michelle nodded and started the car up. They drove towards the highway, the silence between them thickening. “Do you want to listen to some music?” She finally asked.

“No,” was his quiet response. Again, she nodded. A few more minutes of strained silence filled the car and then out of the blue, Danny spoke, “how is your vision?”

“What?” Michelle took her eyes off the road and looked at him quickly, “oh, my — yeah,” she looked back to the highway, “much better.” She swallowed and bit her lower lip, “thank you.”

He was silent before responding softly, “I see.” Michelle glanced over at him again, but he was staring straight ahead, his face expressionless. They continued their drive in silence.

Danny walked up behind her on the porch as Michelle began immediately rummaging through the row of potted plants on the ledge. Danny looked around speculatively and offered a bland, “this is nice.”

Michelle stopped her search and turned to him with an anxious smile, “yeah.” When he didn’t respond, she went back to looking through the pots. “The key is in one of — got it!” She showed him the key, but he merely smiled tightly without humor. Opening the door, they both stepped inside and again Danny looked around.

“Nice place you’ve got here. Nice and cozy,” he commented and then looking at her with bitter intensity, he added softly, “I’m sure you and Jesse had,” his voice tightened, “swell times here.”

Michelle turned around and looked at him, throwing her jacket on the table, “no, actually, I never brought Jesse here.”

“Oh, right,” Danny responded, looking around again, his gaze lingering on the bed before glancing quickly away. “The lighthouse was,” he paused and a sarcastic note entered his voice, “your special place.”

Michelle closed her eyes briefly and muttered under her breath, “Not anymore,” remembering the last time she was at the lighthouse with Jesse … and Danny lying in bed. She opened her eyes and Danny was looking intently at her, obviously having heard her sotto voce words. She looked away and twisted her hands, playing with the wedding ring on her finger. When she no longer felt the heat of his gaze upon her, she cautiously glanced at him. He’d removed his jacket and was pulling a couple of chairs out from behind the table. Sitting down in the opposite one, he gestured for the seat nearest to her. “Sit,” he commanded.

She smoothed down her skirt of burnt sienna and gingerly sat across from him. As soon as she was seated, he began to speak. “Okay, I’m gonna ask you some questions and I want an answer — yes or no. And you will be honest with me, Michelle.”

Michelle smiled and put on her ‘sincere’ face, “okay.” Her voice didn’t tremble, but again, her hands were twisting.

Danny took a deep breath and then asked softly, his gaze centered somewhere over her shoulder, “Did you know that my mother suspects you are in league with the F.B.I.?”

Michelle’s mouth opened in a surprised, ‘o,’ and then shakily she began, “I, I –,”

“Yes or no, Michelle,” Danny interrupted.

She closed her mouth, her lips pursed and then she answered tightly, “No.”

“You didn’t?” Her husband asked with disbelief shading his tone.

She smiled a winter’s smile and answered more firmly, “No.”

Danny nodded. “Did you know that the information about the smuggling of the Cuban cigars was a test?”

Michelle glanced away from him, shocked surprise lighting her features, quietly she answered, “No.”

Just as quietly, Danny asked his next question, “Did you know that you failed?” Michelle looked down, her eyes locked upon her hands resting uneasily in her lap. She took a breath, feeling slightly sick and blinked back tears. With her head bent, she answered him softly, so softly he could barely hear her, “No.”

Danny was silent for a long moment and Michelle found herself unable to look up … look up at him. “Michelle,” he called out her name, an unbidden caress sliding along the word. She glanced up at him and he was at last looking at her, the soulful darkness of his eyes filling her gaze. And when he spoke, his voice ached as if he did not want to ask her this question, but he did, “Do you now?

With a tremor in her voice, she responded in the affirmative. His eyes closed as if in pain, and she looked down again. He took another deep breath, as if fearing her answer, and questioned, “Did you tell the F.B.I. about the cigars?”

She continued gazing down and was silent, not sure of how to answer, not sure how to appease him. Unable to stand the tension, she rose to her feet and began to pace. Immediately, Danny’s voice jumped out at her in the silence, “Sit down, Michelle.” It was a soft command, and she hesitated as an instinctive rebellion arose within her, but quelling the feeling, she sank back down onto the chair.

Danny repeated the question, “Did you tell the F.B.I. about the cigars?”

She was still silent and could feel his impatience building before her, so at last she answered, with a slight waver in her voice, “No.”

And his response was immediate … and incredulous, “No?”

She looked up at him and spoke more resolutely, “No.”

“You didn’t tell the F.B.I.?” he asked again.

Michelle looked him straight in the eye and enunciated each word, “No, I did not tell the F.B.I.”

Danny shook his head and with a heat of anger boiling through his calm exterior, he cried out, “I said I wanted honesty, Michelle! –“

“– I am being honest!,” she rose to her feet, yelling at him, before he even finished speaking.

Danny stood up, towering over her, “Sit down!”

“No!” she shouted right back at him and moved closer, crowding his personal space, “if you already know the answers you’re gonna want, then why are we here!?”

Danny bent down and glared at her, “Because, I want the truth!”

“I’m giving you the truth!” she repeated angrily, her face flushed and her eyes snapping brightly.

Danny pulled up and away, “Fine!” And then he straightened his shirt, “fine,” he repeated in a lower voice. He cleared his throat and sat down, and once more repeated, “fine,” but this time his voice was calm and he was in control.

“Okay, so you didn’t tell the F.B.I.?”

“For the last time,” she replied through clenched teeth, “no.”

He smiled tightly, “fine,” he muttered again and then asked a new question, “was there anything wrong with your vision?”

“No,” she responded immediately, not looking at him — but not out of guilt this time, now she wouldn’t meet his gaze out of anger.

“Okay, then why did you pretend there was?” he asked tightly.

She looked at him, her own tight smile playing about her lips, “I can’t answer that,” she said sweetly.

His eyes widened and a muscle in his jaw ticked, “why not?” he finally managed to blurt out.

With even more sugar in her voice, she responded calmly, “because it’s not a yes or no answer.”

Danny closed his eyes in frustration and exhaled loudly, “fine, then just explain it in how ever many words you need, Michelle!” his voice rose and he sat back in the chair, and repeated her name, in a quieter tone of voice “Michelle.”

Turning away from him, her smile died and she gingerly ran a finger along the edge of her chair.

“Michelle?” he repeated.

“To protect you,” she answered softly.

Disbelief once again colored Danny’s voice, “to protect me?”

“Yes,” she responded tightly.

He laughed without humor, “why would you want to do that? I mean, how would you know that I needed,” and his voice became a sneer, “protection,” and then anger formed his words again and the volume rose slightly, “if you didn’t tell the F.B.I.?”

She looked back at him and then said softly, a choking in her voice, “I didn’t tell them.” And her voice broke, catching on a sob, “I’m not lying to you.”

Danny stood up again, “then how did you know I needed protection, Michelle?”

“I told Drew,” she offered quietly.

“What?” he asked in confusion.

“I told Drew,” she said more loudly, “I told Drew and she told the F.B.I. for me.”

Danny laughed again, running a hand over his face, “I see. I see.” He spread his arms wide and laughed harshly again, “I see, Drew — Drew was your liaison, your little-go-between.” He smiled bitterly. “That’s good. Yeah, that’s good.”

“Danny,” Michelle cried, reaching out to him, but he stepped away, “I’m sorry,” she whispered forlornly.

He looked at her in shocked silence for a moment and then burst out, “sorry?! You’re sorry, Michelle? You lie to me. You betray me, you betray my family. Your family now and you’re sorry?”

“Danny, I protected you! I kept you away from the docks, I –“

“– left my family to the sharks?” He angrily cut her off with, “Why?” He looked down and asked himself, “why did you even bother to protect me?” Michelle stepped close to him, her voice bringing his face to meet hers, “Because I care about you!” she cried.

“You care about me?” He laughed harshly, and then his expression hardened, “you’re lying, Michelle. You’re lying to me! You don’t care about me. You don’t care about my family.”

“Danny,” she tried again, “I, I do care about you,” and then in a sudden rush, her voice changed and anger filled her tone, “but I don’t care about your family — your mother. I hate your mother! I hate her! She’s a hateful, murderous –“

“– Don’t!,” he yelled, “don’t say a word against my mother –” he warned, but she went on, heedless of his words.

“I hate her. I would pay to see that woman taken away in handcuffs, every hair out of place. She took away my life!” she sobbed.

“You will not say one word against my mother! You do not know her, you have never given her a chance. Just because she’s not the happy home-maker that your mother –“

Michelle’s gaze widened in shocked hurt and her tears dried in an instant, she glared at him, her eyes flashing, “don’t you dare! Don’t you ever compare my mother to that evil bitch you call a mother!”

“Michelle –“

“No! No! You do not know my mother, you never met her. Thank God, she died before you came into my life, I can’t begin to imagine what she would think of all of this, but I tell you this — I know this as well as I’ve ever known anything in my life — if my mother had been alive during all of this, she would have taken you in, she would have opened her heart and her arms to you. She would not have made you feel like less-than-nothing, she would not have threatened you or done anything to make you feel anything, anything other than welcome.” She caught her breath and said, her voice soft and filled with the vehemence of a prayer, “don’t you ever say my mother’s name in the same breath as the woman you call ‘mama … ever again.”

Danny turned away from her and was quiet for a long moment, finally he offered solemnly, “okay, I’m sorry. That was unfair. But, Michelle –“

“– no, no ‘Michelle,’ that was uncalled for. End of discussion,” she interrupted, heat still flavoring her voice.

He turned back to look at her, “I can’t imagine how you see my mother, I know she’s given you a hard time, but she is my mother and everything she does –,” he stopped as she turned away, shaking her head, “Michelle, listen to me.”

She swung about, facing him and glared.

“Michelle, everything she does, she does out of love for her children, for her family. She gave birth to me, she gave me life and taught me every tenet of honor and decency that I have.”

“Hah!,” Michelle cried out, “honor and decency? Are we talking about Mother Santos or Mother Theresa?”


“Fine, look, I’m not gonna change my mind about your mother, as far as I’m concerned she’s heartless bitch who has done nothing but try and destroy my spirit and my life from the moment we met. That’s not gonna change,” she paused and took a deep breath. “Look, Danny, this is not about your mother or my mother. This is about you and me. Us and everything that’s happened … to me. And for once, Danny, just once, I’d like you to try and look at this situation from my point of view.”

“Your point of view, Michelle? My God, you should be grateful. Were it not for me and this situation, as you so lovingly call it, you would be dead.” He shot at her.

“I know that! God, Danny, of course I know that, and I am grateful,” she cried out, the anger from a few moments ago fading away into the remorse and sorrow she’d been feeling all day. “But a person feels more than one emotion. And I feel more than gratitude. Ever since the Santos family — ” she broke off as Danny threw his hands up in the air and sat back down in his chair.

“Danny, will you try and listen to me,” she implored. “I’m your wife, damnit! For once, listen to me and hear what I’m saying, not what you think I should be saying, or what you want to hear.”

“Oh, and you know what I want to hear, wife?” he asked sarcastically.

“That I love you. That Jesse is a distant memory. That I will forever be grateful and loyal to the Santos name. That I will forget and give up every tie I had before you became my husband. Do I about have it right?”

“Yeah, that’s me in a nutshell,” he offered dryly.

“Danny, ever since the Santos family came into my life,” she tried again, “practically every moment has been filled with confusion or rage or fear — every emotion I can think of, I’ve been through.”

Danny looked at her, his expression unreadable as she paced back and forth, meeting his gaze and then looking away, speaking quickly and then slowing down, trying desperately to make him understand.

“Mick tried to rape me and then when he died, we were all freaking out and then you came along — practically stalking me, following my every move. I was afraid to breathe loudly, for fear you would jump out at me. And, God, now I’m so confused.” She stopped pacing and looked at him, “don’t you see how hard this is for me, Danny?”

She didn’t give him a chance to answer, but continued speaking, “a month ago, I wouldn’t have tried to protect you. I wouldn’t have cared, but things change, life changes,” she paused and continued her pacing, twisting her hands again, “feelings change.”

Danny looked away from her, his facial muscles tightening and he fought to keep his emotions in check as she spoke. She turned to him, “you know, I had my life all planned out. I’d finish college, Jesse and I would get married,” he couldn’t contain the flare of jealousy that lit his eyes and she faltered for a moment, “uh, have kids, follow in the suburban footsteps of my family, you know? That was it, that was my life and now everything is different, everything has changed.

“I’m married, yeah, but not to Jesse. I, Michelle Bauer, daughter of upstanding and moral citizen Ed Bauer, sister to the highly-regarded Dr. Rick Bauer, am married to a member of the Mafia. I am, literally, married to the mob. And you know, I didn’t really believe that it existed outside of movies.”

“My family is not Mafia,” Danny corrected tightly. “We –“

“– oh, semantics,” she cut him off with, “the point is, I’m now part of it. I’m a Mafia bride and you know, Danny, that scares me. You think I’m ashamed of you, and that’s why I didn’t tell my dad? How ’bout, I don’t know how he’s gonna react knowing that my mother-in-law is the head of the biggest crime family in Springfield.”

Danny stood up and walked over to the window, he leaned against the ledge, his head bent slightly as she continued, pouring out her heart, seemingly being more honest and open with him than she ever had before.

“You know, when you married me, yes, it was a great solution. You saved my life and I will always, always, be grateful for that, but Danny you didn’t just make me your wife, you made me your prisoner. So, I told myself, I’m a smart, resourceful, young woman — I can get myself out of this situation. And the F.B.I. seemed like the perfect solution — bring down Carmen, stop the Santos family from ever hurting anyone else again, get the marriage annulled, clear things up with Jesse and my life goes back on track. It seemed the perfect solution. But things change.”

“Yeah, you said that already, Michelle. So exactly how did things change?” His voice was quiet, and if there was a thread of hurt in the knowledge that she thought of herself as his prisoner, he kept it well-concealed. Michelle looked at him, and her eyes were red-rimmed with tears shed and those waiting still to fall.

“Danny, I, you know, I was supposed to love Jesse forever and hate you with my last breath. It was all black and white, but then you were no longer this creepy Mafia guy, instead you were sweet and wonderful and your vows on our wedding day were so beautiful.” Her voice took on a wistful note and Danny looked at her, surprise lighting his features at the soft tone of her voice, but lost in her memories, she didn’t notice his attention.

“And that day in my old bedroom — I’ve never felt that way before. I haven’t exactly been around, but I’m not virgin, still, I’ve never felt like that before.” Michelle paused and looked away, unable to meet his gaze. Her hand moved to her throat and unconsciously she began rubbing at it as she continued speaking, her voice low, “you barely touched me. And I’m so confused, because I’m not supposed to care about you and your touch, your words are supposed to fill me with revulsion, not . . .”

Again, she hesitated and Danny took a step towards her and his voice was barely above a whisper, “what?” Michelle turned to him, and her eyes were wide and searching. Her lips parted to speak, but she found herself unable to say a word. Danny closed his eyes and stepped back, turning around and once more his back was to her. And then out of the taut silence came a single word, “desire,” and an almost imperceptible shudder ran through his body. He took a deep breath and clenched his fists.

“Danny,” she murmured and he turned to look at her again. “Please, try and see it from my point of view. On one side, I’ve got to be this happy, in-love bride to friends and family who know me better than I know myself. And then I’ve got to deal with your mother and Dietz with their glares and their threats and accusations.”

She looked down, her head bowed for a moment and when she spoke next, he could hear the tears caught in her throat, “and then there’s you.”

She looked back up at him and her face was streaked. She shut her eyes and whirled away from the expression on his face — an intensity, a combination of desire and fear and love. Flinging herself onto the bed, she sat down and repeated, golden curls falling in her face as the tears fell faster and faster and her voice grew heavy with the weight of her sobs, “Danny, then there’s you, and I don’t understand! I don’t know what I’m feeling. I don’t know . . . ” her voice trailed off into a jagged wrench of crying and she lay down, her shoulders shaking with the force of her tears.

Danny stood still and silent, his frame rigid as he stared at her collapsed form. Her cries tore into him with the power of bullets ripping into his heart. He swallowed convulsively and tried to remind himself that she had betrayed him. She had lied to him, used him, would have willingly given him up to the F.B.I. She didn’t love him. She didn’t love him. She didn’t love him. Over and over again he repeated those words to himself.

She doesn’t love me. She doesn’t love me. She doesn’t love me.

And then his silent repetition slipped from his mouth, “she doesn’t love me. She doesn’t love me.” His voice broke and a harsh exhalation erupted from him, “you don’t love me, you don’t love me,” and still she cried, her slender frame shaking, golden curls falling in disarray against the burnt sienna of her blouse, the mottled red and green of the bed’s coverlet.

And he could take no more. With a muttered expletive, he strode to the bed and gathered her up in his arms. When his hands first fell around her, she cried out, she struggled against him, but he held her, his voice raining soft, hushed words of nonsense, his hands soothing her unruly hair, his kisses feathering against the crown of her head, her forehead and her struggling ceased. She buried her head against his chest, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist and still he held her and still he comforted her.

After a long moment, her crying lessened and her body no longer shook. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, her voice muffled against his shirt. He shook his head wordlessly and continued stroking her hair. Finally, she pulled away and his hands fell away. Michelle looked up at him and laughed shakily. Her fingers came up and she wiped at the moisture on her face, smearing her mascara even more than it already was.

He reached out a gentle finger and gingerly smoothed at the marred, black liquid. “Mascara,” he explained softly. Their eyes held for a moment and then he untangled himself and rose from the bed. She gazed after him, a wanting she couldn’t explain filling her, an emptiness stretching across her soul.

Danny moved to the table and grabbed a box of tissues, then walked by and handed them to her. Murmuring her thanks, she took it from him as he once again moved away.

“Michelle,” he said, his voice shaking slightly. He cleared his throat and said her name once more, “Michelle, I want to believe you, but, but,” he paused and his voice was filled with anguish, “how can I?”

She nodded, “I know.”

“Michelle, I know, I know that you have used my feelings for you against me. And I can’t change the way I feel about you.” He looked away and muttered almost to himself, “‘though, God knows, I wish I could.” He looked back at her and she was looking at him, her eyes clear, but a mask of sorrow overlaying her face.

“I can’t, you know, I can’t hide my feelings, I wish I could, but there it is. Tell me, Michelle, how am I supposed to know whether this is all an act or not? The tears, your words, your feelings for me … how do I know any of it is real?”

She bowed her head and admitted quietly, “you don’t.” And then she looked up at him, “what are you gonna do now?”

“I’m not gonna turn you into my mother, if that’s what you’re wondering.” He laughed harshly and once again spoke to himself, “so much for my unwavering loyalty to the family.”

Ignoring his muttered words, she responded quietly to his first statement, “I know you wouldn’t do that,” and then guilt filled her tone, “you wouldn’t betray me.”

Danny was silent for a long moment, just staring at her and then he spoke … one word, a single word, but very nearly a definition of the man himself in its implication, “no.”

He paused then and looked down, “to tell you the truth, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I want to trust you. You know, Michelle, I want to trust you so much. You’re my wife and I — but I can’t. I just can’t –” He broke off, not knowing what else to say.

Michelle arose from the bed and walked towards her husband. “Danny, look at me.” His head remained bowed and so she reached out a hand and laid it upon the side of his face. She repeated her words, “look at me,” and she waited and after a tense moment, his head came up and his eyes met hers.

“I know,” she paused and took a deep breath, “I know that you can’t trust me now.” Danny looked away from her and began to pull away, but she called out his name once more, “hey, Danny,” he looked back at her and a sheen of tears shone in his eyes, “but I will earn your trust. I don’t care how long it takes, but I will.

“I swear to you.”

He closed his eyes. “Danny, I swear I will,” and she reached up and put her other hand against his face. Leaning up, she kissed him softly. Danny stood still and unresponsive in her embrace. She pulled away slightly and then placed her lips against his again, her breath feathering his mouth, her fingers tracing circles on his flesh and then with a groan, he wrapped his arms around her. His mouth opened against hers, her fingers sliding into his thick hair as her body pressed against his.

He pulled away and his eyes were searching and pleading with her and she repeated, her voice a fervent whisper, “I will.”

The End

Archived Link

Loving Michelle by Carla

February 17, 2017

To make it easier to direct people to this story I wanted to put all the chapter links in a single post, in other words do a link roundup. This story is in the Continued Storyline fanfic category. I’m still missing a few chapters, but most of them are here. Thanks to the reader who helped me recover most of the missing chapters.

Michelle and Robbie Santos 2001

Michelle and Robbie Santos 2001

“Loving Michelle” – Manny is living happily in their Laurel Falls house while Michelle attends medical school and Danny slowly works on turning the business legitimate. They are thrilled to be pregnant, but when Baby Will comes too prematurely and dies the grief tears them apart. A little over a year later Michelle is dealing with her grief better, but discovers Danny has felt so lost and alone and so desperately wants children that he let himself be talked into marriage with a woman handpicked by Carmen. When Michelle finds out the divorce didn’t go through, she stops the wedding, but offers to handle fixing the problem alone. Danny follows her, but is this new life what he really wants when he’s still Loving Michelle? 😉 (Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 5) (Chapter 6) (Chapter 7) (Chapter 8) (Chapter 9) (Chapter 10) (Chapter 11) (Chapter 12) (Chapter 13) (Chapter 14) (Chapter 15) (Chapter 16) (Chapter 17) (Chapter 18) (Chapter 19) (Chapter 20) (Chapter 21) (Chapter 22)

Chapter 23 – Missing (Chapter 24) (Chapter 25) (Chapter 26) (Chapter 27) (Chapter 28) (Chapter 29) (Epilogue)

Archived Links

These are the links I had located. (Chapter 1) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 9) (Chapter 12) (Chapter 15) (Chapter 16) (Chapter 17) (Chapter 27) (Chapter 28)

Robansuefarm is the handle of one of Manny and Guiding Light‘s biggest fans following in her family’s footsteps of Guiding Light fandom since 1939. This blog is an effort to make it easy to find Guiding Light and especially Manny online. Check back here for her blog, find fanfic previews and fake WSPR newscasts on her YouTube, find podcasts that look back to old shows and audios of her fanfics on Blog Talk Radio, and finally follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

Full Circle by Erin

February 14, 2017

To make it easier to direct people to this story I wanted to put all the chapter links in a single post, in other words do a link roundup. This story is in the Continued Storyline fanfic category. I’m still missing a few chapters, but most of them are here.


“Full Circle” – It’s harder than Ben Warren thought it would be to get Danny off after he’s arrested during the annulment separation and Michelle agrees to act as his loyal wife to make sure things go their way as they go to trial, they’re still fighting their feelings, but a little bet about who would give in first along the way keeps things spicy. Short sequel in “Road Trip Fic” (Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 5) (Chapter 6) (Chapter 7) (Chapter 8 – Bauer BBQ) (Chapter 9) (Chapter 10) (Chapter 11) (Chapter 12) (Chapter 13) (Chapter 14) (Chapter 15) (Chapter 16) (Chapter 17) (Chapter 18) (Chapter 19)

Sequel: Road Trip Fic

Archived Links Click on Titles (Chapter 1)

(Chapter 4) (Chapter 5) (Chapter 8) (Chapter 9) (Chapter 10) (Chapter 14) (Chapter 15) /manny_fan_fiction/Erin/fullcircle/16.html (Chapter 16) (Chapter 17) (Epilogue)

Robansuefarm is the handle of one of Manny and Guiding Light‘s biggest fans following in her family’s footsteps of Guiding Light fandom since 1939. This blog is an effort to make it easy to find Guiding Light and especially Manny online. Check back here for her blog, find fanfic previews and fake WSPR newscasts on her YouTube, find podcasts that look back to old shows and audios of her fanfics on Blog Talk Radio, and finally follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

Revolving Doors by KDiane

February 13, 2017

To make it easier to direct people to this story I wanted to put all the chapter links in a single post, in other words do a link roundup. This story is in the General Alternative Universe fanfic category. It answers the question what would have happened if Michelle HAD called for help?


“Revolving Doors” – Michelle gets Mick to the hospital after the attack, but he is in a coma. Danny doesn’t realize she was involved in the attack, but wants to get close to Michelle anyway. Their lives begin to connection as Danny investigates Mick’s death. (I really like the scene in the AIDS Memorial Garden.) The langauge is salty all the way through. It’s an unfinished fanfic and about half of what was there was lost when geocities went dark, but I’ve added a summary of what I remember from that half. (Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 5) (Chapter 6) (Chapter 7) (Chapter 8) (Chapter 9) (Chapter 10) (Bridge)

Archived Links Version (Ch 1-7)

Robansuefarm is the handle of one of Manny and Guiding Light‘s biggest fans following in her family’s footsteps of Guiding Light fandom since 1939. This blog is an effort to make it easy to find Guiding Light and especially Manny online. Check back here for her blog, find fanfic previews and fake WSPR newscasts on her YouTube, find podcasts that look back to old shows and audios of her fanfics on Blog Talk Radio, and finally follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

Quench Me by Amy

January 30, 2017

To make it easier to direct people to this story I wanted to put all the chapter links in a single post, in other words do a link roundup. This story is in the Nonmob fanfic category. I’m still missing a few chapters, but most of them are here.

Danny in Spaulding Office

“Quench Me” – Michelle accidentally goes into the wrong office at Spaulding, meets Danny and her world is never the same again 😉 (Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 5) (Chapter 6) (Chapter 7) (Chapter 8) (Chapter 9) (Chapter 10) (Chapter 11) (Chapter 12) (Chapter 13) (Chapter 14) (Chapter 15) (Chapter 16) (Chapter 17) (Chapter 18) (Chapter 19) (Chapter 20) (Chapter 21) (Chapter 22) (Chapter 23) (Chapter 24) (Chapter 25) (Chapter 26) (Chapter 27) (Chapter 28) (Chapter 29) (Chapter 30) (Chapter 31) (Chapter 32) (Chapter 33) (Chapter 34) (Chapter 35) (Chapter 36) (Chapter 37) (Chapter 38) (Chapter 39) (Chapter 40) (Chapter 41) (Conclusion)

Archived Links Version Click on Title (Chapter 1) (Chapter 1) (Chapter 1) (Ch 6-7) (Ch 10-11) (Ch 12-13) (Ch 14-15) (Ch 19-20) (Chapter 21) (Ch 22-23) (Ch 24-25) (Ch 29-30) (Ch 31-32) (Chapter 36) (Chapter 37) (Chapter 39) (Chapter 40)

Robansuefarm is the handle of one of Manny and Guiding Light‘s biggest fans following in her family’s footsteps of Guiding Light fandom since 1939. This blog is an effort to make it easy to find Guiding Light and especially Manny online. Check back here for her blog, find fanfic previews and fake WSPR newscasts on her YouTube, find podcasts that look back to old shows and audios of her fanfics on Blog Talk Radio, and finally follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

Picture Perfect by LNJ

January 16, 2017

To make it easier to direct people to this story I wanted to put all the chapter links in a single post, in other words do a link roundup. This story is in the nonmob fanfic category. This is one of my favorite fanfics, but it’s missing a lot of chapters. If you have anymore of it or can find any more online, I’d really appreciate it.

This particular fanfic has Danny and Michelle meeting when they were older and each had a pre-teen daughter from previous relationships. It also starts with a bit in Walt Disney World. How can resist that?


Disney Cinderella Castle

Disney Cinderella Castle

Picture Perfect by LNJ

“Picture Perfect” – Michelle and Danny each have a 13 year old daughter and a broken marriage behind them when they run into each other at Disney World. They discover that Michelle already lives in Springfield and Danny will soon move there to take on a leadership role at Spaulding Enterprises. Their daughters play matchmaker and it isn’t too hard. They are forming a picture perfect family when Michelle’s abusive, estranged husband Bill Lewis returns to take back what he sees as his. Another one that ends too soon.😉 (Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 5)

There was a lot more of this I’m sorry to say that we don’t have access to. If anybody can find anymore of this I’d be very grateful. Michelle does tell Danny and he takes them over to the Spaulding Mansion for safe keeping. Judging from what happens in the last two chapters Theresa shows up and is unbalanced. Bill is killed in a car accident. (Chapter 13) (Chapter 15)

Archived Links Version (Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3a) (Chapter 3b) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 5) (Chapter 13) (Chapter 15)

Robansuefarm is the handle of one of Manny and Guiding Light‘s biggest fans following in her family’s footsteps of Guiding Light fandom since 1939. This blog is an effort to make it easy to find Guiding Light and especially Manny online. Check back here for her blog, find fanfic previews and fake WSPR newscasts on her YouTube, find podcasts that look back to old shows and audios of her fanfics on Blog Talk Radio, and finally follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

Twas the Night by Bella

December 26, 2016

To make it easier to direct people to this story I wanted to put all the chapter links in a single post, in other words do a link roundup. This story is in the Christmas fanfic category. Fair warning although I really like the part where they are talking in this, there is a lot of sex and discussion of sex….I mean a lot of sex even for Manny so be forewarned.


“Twas the Night” – Michelle and Danny both end up at the Bauer cabin on what was one of the worst nights of their lives (Danny broke into the cabin at random thinking he didn’t have anyplace else to go after he fails to complete a hit and Michelle is running away from Bill Lewis’s unwanted marriage proposal). Both of them had the thought to take a hot bath, so when they run into each other in the bathroom they are both naked, emotionally and physically. Flash forward 8 years and a very happy family is telling the annual Christmas story about how Mommy and Daddy met at the cabin on Christmas Eve and realized they’d never have to be lonely again and created a family. The flash forward is EXTREMELY cute. 😉

Twas the Night (Part 1)

Twas the Night (Part 2)

Archived Links

Robansuefarm is the handle of one of Manny and Guiding Light‘s biggest fans following in her family’s footsteps of Guiding Light fandom since 1939. This blog is an effort to make it easy to find Guiding Light and especially Manny online. Check back here for her blog, find fanfic previews and fake WSPR newscasts on her YouTube, find podcasts that look back to old shows and audios of her fanfics on Blog Talk Radio, and finally follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

Christmas with the Santos aka A Year and a Day

December 25, 2016

“Christmas with the Santos” aka “A Year to the Day” – Life continues on in Casa Santos much as it did in the first heady month after the Laurel Falls wedding all the way to Christmas with no Jeva troubles, no Ben vendetta, and no Ben being murdered. A great version of their first real Christmas together, I especially like how they wake up.😉

Republisher’s Note: Another one of my favorite Christmas Manny favorites. This one is set in a world where after Michelle decided to return with Danny to Casa Santos she doesn’t leave, Ben doesn’t come after Danny, and Ben is never murdered nor the target of any plots by Pilar.


Christmas with the Santos aka A Year and a Day

The alarm buzzed and Michelle stirred from her sleep.

“Danny,” she said sleepily as she buried her head into her pillow.

The loud noise continued. She turned to look at him. He wasn’t moving.

“Danny hit snooze.” The buzzing continued. “Danny!” Nothing. “UGH!” She lifted herself on her elbows. He was oblivious to the horrible noise. Realizing it was up to her to stop it she tried reaching over him to hit the snooze button. Her arms were too short.

At times like these she wondered why the alarm was on his night table when she was the one who always had to turn it off.

Climbing over him she finally was able to tap the button. The alarm stopped. Holding herself up by her elbows she looked down at him. Danny still wasn’t moving.

“Nice! Now I’m awake.” She went to move off of him and felt his arms wrap around her.

“Where are you going?” he asked drowsily.

“You’re awake!”, She exclaimed slapping him on the chest. “Why didn’t you stop the alarm?”

“This is much more interesting,” he mumbled as he pulled her closer and began kissing her neck.

“Oh no you don’t. We might as well get ready. Mass is at 9:00.”

“Can’t you tell I’m ready?” he teased.

“Danny, you promised Ray. We can’t skip today. Get up!” she tried extricating herself from his arms.

He held on tighter. He began to pull down the strap on her nightgown trailing kisses from her neck to her chest. He managed to pull the strap down far enough freeing her breast.

“Ahh! Just what I was looking for,” he sighed.

“Danny, we’re going to miss Ray’s sermon.” She tried moving away. “Noooo,” she moaned as his lips went around her nipple and she felt his teeth begin to pull on it.

“You’re supposed to go to confession before Mass.” Michelle tried to regain her composure and reason with him.

His tongue licked her breast. His hand traced a path up her leg, bunching up her nightgown as he went along. She felt him reach between her thighs. “Forgive me Father for I have sinned…” he breathed.

“Danny!”, she sucked in her breath as he touched her.

She arched her back in response. He laughed. “It seems you’re just as ready as I am…Ummm.”

“Hmmm…” she replied as she shifted positions so she wasn’t laying completely on top of him. “Danny…Mass…”. He began to massage her with his hand.

She sat up and decided to stop fighting him. Pulling her nightgown over her head she threw it down on the floor. It landed on a pile of discarded wrapping paper from the Christmas gifts she had been wrapping the night before.

Reaching down she held him and began to move her hand up and down. “Hail Mary…”, his breathing was heavier.

“Merry Christmas Babe,” she said as her lips claimed his.

When it was over Michelle looked at the clock. It was 8:25. She was laying on his chest, much in the same position she had been in while trying to hit the snooze button. Neither of them moved. He was still inside her.
“You’re going to have to explain to Ray why we were late for his first Christmas Mass,” she said quietly. She felt sleepy again.

Laughing he said, “Okay, I’ll see him afterwards and tell him everything during confession.” He kissed her forehead.

“You wouldn’t dare!” She lifted herself off of him suddenly.

“OHH! Hey! Don’t move that quickly…”, he groaned.

“Serves you right!”, she laughed.

Eventually, Carmen’s knock on their door had gotten them out of bed. They had rushed to get ready for Church. Ray had winked when he’d seen them enter the side door of the church 15 minutes late.

Afterwards there was a lunch at the house. They had sat around the table eating and remembering Christmases past. It was fun for Michelle to hear about Danny as a little boy on Christmas morning. Even Carmen seemed to be in the spirit.

Towards the late afternoon they all sat around the family room. There was a glow from the fireplace and the room was cozy. The Christmas lights danced on the tree.

Michelle was curled up on one of the sofas with a blanket. Danny was playing at the Pinball machine with Bill.

Ding…Ding…Ding! TILT!

“Santos, you win again,” Bill said.

“Don’t I always win?”

“Ha Ha Ha!”

Danny walked towards Michelle. Her eyes were closed and she looked very comfortable. He smiled looking down at her.

Kneeling down beside her he said in a whisper. “Hey.”

She opened one eye and smiled at him, “Hey yourself!” She lifted the blanket and invited him to join her.

“You feel so good,” he said as he snuggled close to her.

“Oh no, don’t start that again!”

“Now there’s an idea…” He ran his hand up underneath her shirt to hold her breast.

“Danny…” She said in a sing song voice.

“Shhh!” he said into her mouth as he kissed her. He began rolling her nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

“Honey Stop!” He kissed her neck and began to suck. The heat of his breath made her squirm with pleasure. “Dannnny…” Her eyes closed as she gave in to the feeling.

“Ohhh!” she sighed. Remembering where they were she opened her eyes. Giggling nervously she peeked over his shoulder to see if anyone was paying attention to them.

Carmen and Ben were sitting by the fire drinking brandy, Pilar and Bill were over by the card table playing War, but Abuela was looking straight at them, as Ray, gesticulating with his hands, talked to her!

“Oh my God!”, she whispered desperately.

“I know!”, he groaned into her neck and rubbed himself against her.

“Danny, your Grandmother is watching us!”, She muttered through her teeth as she smiled at Abuela.

He stopped what he was doing and lifted his head slowly. He turned to look at his Grandmother and smiled.

She smiled back.

Abuela was thinking. “Ah Jose! I feel so young on nights like this. I see us dancing. I’m wearing red and you are in your tuxedo. We glide over the floor. The orchestra is wonderful, the music is so happy. Christmas!”

Danny turned back to Michelle, who looked extremely embarrassed.

“Don’t worry, she doesn’t know what’s going on.”, he said trying to convince himself as well as her.

“Really? It looks to me like she knows EXACTLY what is going on. Look at her. She’s smiling at us! I’m going to die. I have to get out of here. Let me up!” she whispered. Desperate to get out from under Abuela’s watchful eyes she started to sit up.

“Wait! You can’t get up.” He stopped her and pushed her back down.

“Why? Let me up!”, she whispered.

He looked into her eyes and as serious as he could be said, “They’ll see your hickie.”

“Hick-…You gave me a hickie?”, her hand flew to her neck and a look of panic came over her face.

He couldn’t help himself, he started laughing so hard that tears began to fall from his eyes.

Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing to look at them.

Michelle wanted to die.

Ben lifted his glass to Carmen and said, “Ahh! Young love.”

To which Carmen replied, “Hmmph!”

Pilar asked Bill, “What’s so funny?”

Bill looking at the scene mumbled, “At least someone’s having fun.” , as he threw his next three cards on the table. Pilar was perplexed by the whole thing.

“What’s so funny?”, she asked again.

Carmen, from the other side of the room, said in a serious voice, “Pilar! Go turn on the Christmas lights outside.”

Ray watched Danny and Michelle and felt a twinge of jealousy. “Confession first thing in the morning…”, he thought. He decided to ignore the laughter and continue the discussion with his Grandmother, “Abuela, the Church has not changed so much…”

The laughter woke Abuela from her daydream. “Oh dear, what is Ray talking about? These daydreams always get me into trouble. Carmen already thinks I have Alzheimer’s…” Recovering she said, “I’m sorry Ray, what were you saying?” Danny continued to laugh. “What are they doing? Why is Danny laughing?”

Ray thought, “They’re doing what I’ve been dreaming about for some time…That’ll go over well with Abuela! Stop it Santos!”

“It’s nothing Abuela. As I was saying, the Church…”

Michelle tried hiding her embarrassment by looking amused as she sat up. She pulled her hair over her shoulders to cover the love bite. She began climbing over Danny to get off the sofa. Danny pulled her back down despite her protests and kissed her.

“Danny!” “Oh God, will this nightmare ever end?” she thought.

“Look up,” he said.

“What?” she asked as her gaze traveled to the ceiling.

Hanging right over them was the mistletoe. “See? It’s okay we were only doing what your supposed to…”, he hugged her to him.

Michelle slapped away his arms, “You enjoy torturing me. Don’t you?”

“Come on.” He got up and pulled on her arms. As she stood up against him, he whispered, “Let me torture you some more…”

She laughed and followed him out of the room. Danny stopped at the door and leaning on the door frame said through his laughter, “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

Carmen almost choked on her drink. “My God what has happened to my son?” she asked Ben.

Ben laughed and took another sip from his drink.

Bill shook his head and said, “Deal the cards, Pilar!”

Pilar laughed at her brother’s silliness. Realizing Bill wasn’t laughing she asked, “Why are you mad? Is it because I’m winning?”

Ray hoped his Grandmother wouldn’t ask him where Danny and Michelle were going.

Abuela Santos watched them and smiled. Ray’s voice faded into the background as she began to daydream again, “It’s such a merry Christmas! Ay Jose! If you were here…”


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Just a Happy Christmas by Mommar669

December 24, 2016

REPUBLISHER’S NOTE: This is another really short fanfic and not really one of my favorites, but it’s one about Christmas that I hadn’t republished before. It’s more like an idea from a fanfic than a fully developed one. This is the version after I’ve edited it for clarity. No seriously this is AFTER I edited it, but after awhile I just gave up on a couple of things. Also, I’m really not sure at all when this is supposed to be set. Clearly Robbie has been born previously, but that’s the only really clue. Also, apparently Michelle and Ed have suffered terminal cases of the dumbs. I mean how could Michelle keep Carmen from Danny’s son????? ???? ???? I mean what the what now????? And the winter is even stranger than during the miracle blizzard Christmas year. Oh well, Enjoy!


Just a Happy Christmas by Mommar669

 Danny and Michelle has been apart for almost 6 months. Danny was still keeping a eye on his family. He hoped to be able to get back with his family. He had ran into his wife and son a few times. It hurt so much he stayed out of sight. He can hear his son wanting to go find Daddy. Every thing was going wrong and he still has not brought his Mother down. But what Danny did not know was that Carmen was seeing his family. Michelle would not let Carmen be alone with Robbie, but how could she deny Carmen access to Danny’s only son?
It was December 23rd. Michelle was alone when a knock came on the door. It was Carmen bringing presents, “For Robbie, and for you and the rest of your family. Michelle, I know what I have done to you in the past, but I want to try being friends and us being a family. Can we try?”
“Mommy we find Daddy, I have a surprise and Mommy….”
“But first you have to go to bed for Mommy as she is not feeling good, Is it OK?”
“Yes go ahead I will help,” Ed said coming into the kitchen. “Go outside Michelle.”
Danny asked, “What is it, baby, you OK?”
“Danny, can’t we drop this?”
“I can’t.”
“I am tired of you sneaking in my room and all of this. Baby, your mom is here. Don’t worry we are doing OK for now, I know you love her and she loves you.”
Going into the house Ed and Rick are called back the hospital , Carmen comes down, “Danny, your family needs you.”
Michelle, “ouch, my water broke.”
Carmen “Danny, you have to get to the hospital with her.”
“Well we will not be going any where the roads are closed, this snow storm hit and hit hard,”
Ed called they will be staying at Cedars. That he can’t get home.
“Danny, Danny, I need , oh the baby is coming!”
Carmen delivers a beautiful baby girl on Christmas eve morning.
“A daughter, a girl,” Danny says holding his little girl.
Carmen looks on tears in her eyes , “Danny I have a name for, For ?”
“Dad, meet your new granddaughter, Maureen Carmen Santos. How did you make it home?”
“The streets have been plowed.”
“Any one want a cup of coffee?” Carmen asked. As they are having coffee, Ed walks to the window looks out and turns and says, “I cannot believe this I hope we have enough food in the house as we are getting snowed in.”
Rick “What?”
“We are,” Danny says They all go and look out .
Ed, “Carmen, it looks as if you will be staying here for awhile.”
As they get ready for Christmas the next day, Carmen, “Michelle, I know this is your home but go in the other room and rest you have just had a baby.”
“Come on Honey, I want to hold my daughter.”
On the couch Danny sits holding his wife and daughter, when “Mommy!”
“Mama , I will get him.”
“Come on, Tiger. We have a surprise for you, Robbie this is your new baby sister.”
As Ed, Carmen, Rick, and Mel look on, Robbie looks at the baby and says “I wanted a puppy, no baby.”
Carmen laughs and looks at Danny, “oh Danny you said that very thing when you saw Pilar.”
Rick “Robbie come with Uncle Rick.”
Soon they hear “SNOW SNOW! we play!”
Danny comes picks up his son, “Well, we can’t now as it is still snowing.”
After they eat and Carmen and Mel wash the dishes, after chasing Danny and Michelle to bed.
“Ed you can stay in Meta’s room, As we will be getting up early,” Carmen says.
In their bedroom Danny burps his daughter after Michelle fed her putting her in the bassinet .He gets in bed , “I want you you look SO sexy, but you need rest so I will just hold you.”
Morning came to fast as they hear laughter and screaming from down stairs, getting dressed they head down. Robbie is under or trying to get under the tree.
“Robert, get out here now!” Michelle said, “You have to eat now. Go with Grandma and Grandpa now.”
Danny “Baby, my old mom is here it is the way she used to be, let’s go eat.”
Later after the presents are opened, and the children are napping, Rick “I wish Jude were here too.”
“Oh it has quit snowing,” Carmen said. A knock at the door
“Who could that be in this weather?… Pilar?” Carmen said and just looked around .
“Surprise!” Pilar said.
“Hi,” Bill said.
“Bill,” Michelle said.
“We are back together,” they both say at once, “Now where is my nephew?”
Sleeping he is tired . hearing a cry, “oh,” Danny said, “Meet your niece.”
Sitting around they talk of Christmases past, the memories, “And we now have future Christmas to look forward to with the new members of both families.” Ed and Carmen say together, “Merry Christmas every one.”

A Season of Love by LiaBoston

December 22, 2016

“A Christmas Fic” aka “A Season of Love” – Michelle finds Danny hold up in a study missing his father on a Christmas during their “fake” marriage. She comforts him and then disappears. He finally follows and discovers she’s in their room, decorated for Christmas the way Papa used to do the whole house and she is dressed only in a red nightgown ready to give Danny the perfect Christmas gift, her heart and herself.


Republisher’s Note: Although they mention it’s their first Christmas I think the author is messing with the established timeline a bit. My guess is this is about three months or so into their marriage or about a month and a half or so since the church ceremony. That’s just based on observation, but as they were married about New Year’s it would be an entire year before this takes place and I don’t think it reads as if it has been that long.

Author’s Note: This story takes place in the early stages of Danny and Michelle’s marriage, and their first Christmas together.

A Season of Love by LiaBoston

Christmas. I used to love the holiday, but not anymore. Nothing has been the same in my family since Papa died. Papa used to add such laughter to this dreary house. I can still hear his laugh echo through the halls. I wish that he was still here. I wish that he could have met Michelle. Instead, he is gone because of the family business. And Mick is gone because of his own undoing.

I have always believed Michelle when she told me that she killed him in self-defense. It was not her fault that Mick was an animal. I just wish that I could have protected her from him. Now, I am married to her. I am married to a woman who does not love me. But something has changed. I wish that she would stop fighting me long enough and figure that out. My grandmother tells me that Michelle does care about me, but I have to be patient. Oh, Abuela, only if it was that simple.

Mama is in a horrible mood. I wonder if she is thinking about Papa, too. I wish that I could talk to her about Papa, but she is too practical to reminisce. All I can think about is Papa. This was his favorite holiday, and he always made sure that Mick, Pilar and I had fun. I think that Christmas was one of the few times that we acted like a normal family.

It is hard to watch Michelle get in the holiday spirit. It’s just another thing to remind me of Papa. I have noticed that the strange looks that Michelle has been giving me, but I can’t tell her. I want to tell her about Papa, but I know that she doesn’t care about me. I want Michelle to rock me in her arms and tell me that it is going to be alright. If only…

I don’t know how long I can keep all this bottled up. Tears are starting to overtake my body. The pain in my heart overwhelms me. There are only two people that I truly care about. Papa and Michelle. Michelle. I want her to comfort me. I want to tell her about the dreams of Papa that haunt me at night. I wish that she would hold me and never let go. I wonder what it would feel like it to be in her arms. I can’t do this to myself anymore; I can’t keep torturing myself.

I need to be close to Papa, and there is one place where I can still feel him. I grab a bottle of scotch and a glass, and I walk to my grandfather’s private study. It was a room that not many people knew about, and it was the one place, that Papa would take me, so we could spend time together. It was a place just for us. The darkness of the room comforts me.

With shaking knees, I walk over to the bookcase, and take one of the picture albums. Tears pour down my cheeks as I leaf through pictures of my father and I. I need you, Papa. The burning sensation left by the scotch feels good, maybe it can numb the pain. Suddenly, light floods the room and I see Michelle standing in the doorway. I can’t let her see me like this.

“Danny, there you are. I have been looking…” She looks at me, and realizes that I have been crying. She walks over to the couch, and sits next to me. “Danny, what is the matter? Please tell me.”

I search her face to see if she is being sincere. Her eyes are so kind and loving. But I can’t tell her, it is too painful, so I lie. “Nothing is wrong. I was just… It does not matter, Michelle.”

“Well, it matters to you. Why won’t you tell me?” I forget that the photo album is still on my lap, so when I shift my body, it falls to the floor. I try to grab it before Michelle reaches for it.

“What is this?” She starts to flip through the pictures, and then stops, “Oh, Danny, these are pictures of your father. You miss him, don’t you?”

I want to lie to her, but I can’t. She is trying to comfort me, and I want her to. “I miss him more than you will ever know. I just needed to…” I can hear my voice crack, and tears starting to well in my eyes

Michelle finishes my sentence for me. “You just needed to feel close to him. I lost my mom when I was young, and it still hurts. But Danny, you should not keep this all bottled up, you need someone to help you.”

I want you to help me, Michelle. You, I think to myself, but instead I say, “I don’t have anyone. Nobody seems to care about my feelings. Mama never talks about it, and Abuela, I can’t burden her.”

Michelle moves to closer to me, and takes my face in her hands. “I care, Danny. I care. And I want to help you. Please let me.”

I let myself fall into her warm and welcoming embrace. I feel so warm and safe in her arms. I want to stay in her arms forever. As my sobs subsided, Michelle asks me about Papa. I tell her about Papa, and how he would decorate the house into a winter wonderland.

Michelle tells me about Christmas time with her parents. I wish that I got the chance to meet her mother, she sounds like a wonderful woman. Michelle pulls away from our embrace, and tells me that she has to go. Does she regret reaching out to me? Wasn’t she able to forget about everything else for a moment? I don’t know. I wish I knew what she was thinking.

Finally, I could not stand it anymore, and I leave the study to find Michelle. Where in the world was she? Was she hiding from me? God, I hope not. As I reach for the doorknob to our bedroom, I realize that my hand is shaking. I don’t know what to expect from Michelle anymore. I take a deep breath and walk into the bedroom. To my surprise, it is dark. Was she here? This is silly, I tell myself. I switch on the lights, and I can’t believe my eyes.

The whole bedroom is filled with holly, paper chains, a small Christmas tree, and Christmas ornaments. Suddenly, I see Michelle sitting on our bed with a big smile on her face, as she walks towards me, I realize that she is wearing just a red nightgown.

“I hope that you like it, Danny. It took me forever to make those paper chains.” She starts to laugh but stops when she sees my face. “I am sorry, Danny, I just..”

She thinks that I am going to be mad at her. She couldn’t be more wrong. “No, Michelle. It is so beautiful. It’s just nobody has ever done this for me. Why? Why did…” Before I can finish my sentence, Michelle is standing right in front of me.

“I did it because I want to show you much I care about you, Danny. I love you, Danny.”
I think that my heart is about to burst. Michelle loves me. Did you hear that, Papa? She loves me.

“I love you too, Michelle. I always have.” I lift her head to mine, and I kiss her with all the passion and love that I feel for her. As the kiss deepens, I think that I can feel Papa smiling down at us.

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