Loving Michelle by Carla Chapter 24

Republisher’s Note: Amelia had one more trick left after Danny exposed her.

Loving Michelle by Carla – Chapter 24

Danny watched as they wheeled the lifeless Amelia back into, ironically, the same room she had been examined in when she had first entered this hospital. Everything from that point on moved in slow motion. The sounds of the Emergency Room were muffled similar to a long-playing album that was being played on the wrong speed.

He stood affixed on the scene before him as doctors and nurses scurried about working frantically to save Amelia’s life. They shouldn’t waste their time, Danny thought. She is gone. He knew it as sure as he knew his own name but this medical team seemed bound and determined to give it their best shot.

No one seemed to notice him standing at the swinging doors watching the action unfold inside the room through a circular window in the door. So busy where they wasting their efforts trying to bring a dead woman back to life, that they didn’t see that each movement was being watched by the man that this woman had jumped out of the window over.

It wouldn’t have mattered much if they did see him for Danny Santos stood motionless and silent as he watched the doctors and nurses finally give in to what he had already known and finally they ceased their efforts and pronounced her dead. He stayed at the door watching long enough to see the white sheet being draped over her body and then and only then, did he turn away and leave.

He found himself back in the waiting room that he had grown accustomed to earlier and sat down in the familiar chairs. He remembered sitting in these chairs before and feeling a sense of utter hopelessness until he had looked up and seen his angel.

Michelle had come to him after he had left her standing there at the hotel while he tended to Amelia. How he wished he could see her walk through those doors now, but he knew it wasn’t going to happen. She had left him to take care of his responsibility towards Amelia.

Without realizing that he was doing it, he turned his head into the direction of the Emergency Room entrance doors but just as he feared, there was no Michelle. Not this time.

She was in Springfield where he had originally planned to be tonight but that wasn’t going to happen either. He would need to see about Amelia and tell her family the tragic news. They would blame him of course and rightfully so. He should be blamed. It was his fault that any of this had happened. He should have just left well enough alone when he and Michelle separated and resigned himself to the fact that he would always be alone. He never should have gotten involved with Amelia in the first place no matter how lonely he had been for Michelle and Will.

All the should haves in the world however, would never change the fact that Amelia, who was now laying dead on a cold, metal table, would still be alive if it weren’t for the selfish son of a bitch named Danny Santos and it was something that he would have to live with the rest of his miserable life.

The doctor who had initially treated Amelia stepped into the waiting room and sat down next to Danny. He proceeded to inform him that despite their best efforts, Amelia had died, which unbeknownst to the doctor, Danny already knew. Danny nodded his head indicating that he understood what the doctor was telling him but other than that, he made no audible reply.

The subject then turned to the fact that someone would have to take care of the body and since Danny was listed as her next of kin, the responsibility lay with him. Again, Danny nodded and the doctor stood up, patted Danny on the back in a gesture of sympathy, and then disappeared back behind the doors and out of sight.

Danny decided not to put off the inevitable any longer and arose and went to make the dreaded phone call. The one that would shatter a mother and a father, a sister and two brothers and two little darling nieces.

He made a person-to-person call and listened as the operator patched him through to Mr. Sanchez of Springfield, Illinois. Danny took a deep breath and blurted into the receiver “Mr. Sanchez, I am afraid I have some bad news about Amelia.”

******************

“I’m sorry,” Michelle found herself saying for the dozenth time since she had walked into Jan’s office this morning. “I guess I am just not cut out for this type of medicine,” she exclaimed.

“Michelle. You know that isn’t it at all,” Jan said. “You are an excellent doctor and you pour your heart and soul into your work, honey,” she paused knowing she would have to choose her next words carefully “you just have never given yourself enough time to properly heal.”

“What do you mean?” Michelle asked sitting down on the comfortable sofa in Jan’s office and focusing her attention on the woman who was not only her supervisor, but her friend as well.

Jan studied Michelle’s face as she tried to form the next sentences in her head. Michelle Santos was one of her best doctors, but she was approaching a meltdown if she didn’t take care of herself.

She had not been surprised when she had come to her a few months ago and told her that she wanted her specialty to be pediatrics. She had not been surprised but she had been wary. She knew how hard her baby’s death had been for her even though she tried to put on a brave front for everyone. She also knew of her great sadness that resulted from the break up of her marriage to Danny. That on top of losing her premature baby would have destroyed most women, but Michelle was strong enough to try to keep going on. But her armor had a kink in it and it was time that Michelle took the time she needed to properly grieve for her son and her marriage and then she could make the proper steps to becoming the wonderful doctor that she was meant to be.

Michelle had confided in her so she knew of her love for her ex-husband and even though she was a well sought after woman by many of the available male residents at the hospital, Jan knew that her heart would now and forever belong to Danny Santos and it would be a long time before she even tried to pursue a relationship with anyone else.

The thing was, Michelle would make a great pediatrician one day but the first obstacle in her path would be putting her ghosts behind her.

The death of Courtney Taylor had hit Michelle almost as hard as the death of her own son and that was something that Michelle was going to need to address if she were to continue in her pursuit to enter the pediatric field.

It seemed to Jan as though Michelle was already thinking of that and that was the reason she was here today, to discuss her inability to not get emotionally attached to every baby that reminded her of Will.

“Michelle,” Jan began. “Let me say a few things okay?” she asked gently and Michelle nodded her head. “It is only natural,” she continued ” that you feel a connection with the tiny babies that remind you of Will. You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t reminded of him every time you saw one as small as he, but remember, honey, that you came into this field hoping to help babies like Will and you can’t do that if you get too emotionally attached. This isn’t a field where you can wear your emotions on your sleeve but you shouldn’t be desensitized to the pain either. I think, given time, you could find a healthy balance and be a tremendous asset to the field of neonatology, but Michelle,” she paused, “You are still too raw for that balance right now.”

“You have a capacity to feel what the parents of these precious children feel. You know how important it is to let them know that it wasn’t their fault that their baby was born too early or too sick. That skill is something that is not learned, but rather acquired, sadly through kinship from going through the same situation. Your heart is in the right place and when you work out all of things you have gone through, then you will be able to utilize your skills to the fullest, but Michelle,” she said seriously “now is not that time and I think deep inside you, you know it too. I know how important this is for you however, and I admire you more than I can say for your determination, but speaking as your supervisor, I am ordering you to take a leave of absence and get some rest and some help for yourself,” she said standing up and walking around her desk to where Michelle was sitting.

“But”, Michelle began.

“No buts, Michelle,” Jan interjected “You have to take care of yourself before you can help others, don’t you see? You have to put both Danny and Will in their proper place before you can succeed in this field. I am not trying to be cruel when I say these things Michelle, rather than I am trying to show you that you can best serve these babies by getting everything in perspective,” she explained.

Michelle nodded her understanding, too overcome with emotion to form any words. Jan was right. She shouldn’t have taken Courtney’s death as hard as she had but seeing that young couple’s faces go from hope to misery after she delivered her news, was just too much. The young mother had almost fainted at the news and only her husband’s quick hands had kept her from hitting the floor.

The young man hadn’t fared much better. His face had completely gone white and his big frame had begun to tremble. There, in that cold, sterile hall, this couple held onto to each other for dear life as they faced the news that their little angel was gone from them forever.

She needed to work on those feelings, as Jan had said. She most assuredly could not go through that on a daily basis and survive. The pain was just too devastating.

“It’s okay, Jan,” Michelle said. “You are right. I haven’t dealt with my feelings very well and this situation only served to prove that I need to focus on getting myself together,” she said.

“Oh Michelle,” Jan said as she took Michelle in her arms for a comforting embrace. “I am so happy to hear you say that. I know you are going to work this out for yourself. I just know it,” she said releasing her. “Now, do you know where you are going to start?”

“No, not really,” Michelle answered. ” I will probably go to Europe and see my dad for a while or hang out with Abby or something. I really don’t know yet.”

“Well, whatever you decide to do, I am sure it will be the right decision. It will be good for you to get away from everything and just breathe and feel your emotions. You are a strong woman, Michelle and you are going to come out on top,” she smiled.

“Thanks Jan,” Michelle said as she turned to leave. “I will call you in a week or two and then we can try this again okay?” she said with a touch of falsetto in her voice that wasn’t lost on Jan.

“Sure, honey,” Jan said. “Take your time and remember I am here for you whenever you need me,” she said and Michelle left her office wondering what in the hell she was going to do now.

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