Loving Michelle by Carla Chapter 4

Republisher’s Note: Michelle and Danny have lost a baby and it destroys them.

Loving Michelle by Carla – Chapter 4

Danny watched Michelle leave the plane. He purposely waited behind to give her a little bit of time to get some space between them. He was going to follow her for awhile and see where she went. He didn’t think she would appreciate him announcing his presence just yet. He was going to wait until the time was right. He would let her think she outsmarted him……for now.

She went towards the terminal and only then did he exit the plane. Careful to keep his distance so she wouldn’t see him, he began to follow her. She went to claim her baggage. He had to duck behind a big potted plant once when she looked behind her shoulder.

The air was crisp and clean he noticed. He breathed in a deep breath and held it for a minute. He filled his lungs and then expelled them. There was not a cloud against a sky so blue it hurt your eyes to look at it.

Their plane had been full so slipping in with the crowd had been disgustingly easy. He would watch her and see what hotel she checked into, then he would check in there himself. Then and only then would he make his presence known.

He watched her claim her bag and it looked like she only had the one bag. Apparantly this was going to be a short trip. She stepped outside and hailed a cab.

He waited until she got in her cab before he hailed the next one. He gave the driver instructions to follow the cab in front of them.

He supposed he had hurt her feelings the other day and that was one of the reasons he had been calling for her. He had made her think that he thought she wasn’t capable of obtaining this divorce by herself and he hadn’t meant it that way at all.

He had wanted to apologize to her about that remark but she had not taken any of his dozen calls. He really needed her to understand that this was important to him and it had been a shock when she had made her announcement.

He had finally, after a year of torment, found a place where he could exist. They day he had come home and found her gone was the second worse day of his life. He had had to face the fact that he had lost her, too. Michelle had just been going through the motions since Will had died. She didn’t eat properly, hardly ever slept and had absolutely no time for her also grieving husband. Her supervisor at work had even called her to her office and suggested some time off so she could get some help with handling Will’s death.

He should have insisted that she get the help that she needed. He had mentioned that if she would, they could go to one of those support groups with people who have been through similar situtations, people who would understand their feelings. She had refused and said that noone knew how she felt, not even him. He remembered how much that had hurt.

She refused to believe that anyone could grieve as much as she. It was almost as if she had forgotten that he had lost Will too. He remembered the night after Will’s funeral.

Michelle had been inconsolable. Even Rick had been unable to reach her and offer her any comfort. She had completely withdrawn into herself. She had watched the service with a stoic expression on her face. Her eyes were void of any feeling. He had sat next to her during the service and held her hand. It just laid there in his grasp motionless.

He doubted she even heard what Ray had been saying He was offering comfort through God’s love and that Will had been placed in in God’s embrace now and would wait there to be reunited with his adoring parents. She kept staring at Will in his tiny casket. Her eyes never left him for the entire service.

Tears had been falling down Danny’s cheeks during the whole service but he had yet to see one appear on Michelle’s face. Danny knew something was very wrong. He knew her expressionless face was only a mask for the pain she was feeling and not sharing with anyone, including him.

He had needed comfort from Michelle so badly. She was not there to give it. She didn’t allow him to give any to her.

Still holding her hand , they had followed Will’s coffin to the cemetary for the private burial. Michelle had requested that only she and Danny be present for his burial. They had stood by the freshly dug grave and watched him being lowered into the ground. Danny remembered how his chest had tightened and how he hadn’t been able to breathe.

Don’t put my son in there, he had silently pled. Dear God, dont put that dirt over him. please, please don’t, God why didn’t you take me, why did you take my son?

The finality of Will’s death had finally hit Michelle there at the grave after Ray had left. She had flung herself in the mound of dirt that housed his son and sobbed uncontrollably. He had stood by Will’s grave and cried his own bitter tears. He knelt beside Michelle and tried to offer her comfort again and again he was pushed away.

She wouldn’t allow him to share her grief, nor would she share his and he felt utterly alone staring at Michelle displaying her grief over their son.

Finally when she had no more energy to cry, she had allowed him to help her up and take her home. She had sobbed quietly muttering Will’s name all the while they were riding home.

How he had managed to drive home, he couldn’t say, but somehow their car had found its way home. He had carried an exhuasted and emotionally spent Michelle into the house where he had run a bath for her. She had refused the bath and wanted to crawl directly into bed without even taking off her clothes.

He had managed to get her to let him help her undress and put on a nightgown. He had tucked her in and had stroked her hair in a gesture of comfort. She had asked to be left alone and not knowing what else to do, he had left her be.

He had gone into Will’s nursery that they had been decorating and getting ready for his impending birth. He sat in the rocker that had been in his family for four generations. His grandmother had rocked his papa in this rocker.

He looked about the room decorated with clouds and airplanes. Michelle’s sonogram had shown that they were going to have a boy and ever since she had found out, she had insisited on clouds and airplanes.

Danny looked at Will’s bed with all the blankets and stuffed animals Michelle had been collecting for him during her pregnancy.The ones that would all go unplayed with and unused now. He continued to look about the room that was so similar to his heart—empty.

He had not known such love was possible until he had met Michelle and then had Will. He was consumed by this love. His and Michelle’s love was so strong that he thought they could get through anything as long as they were together.

Only people who had been through something similar knew what it felt like. It was a pain unlike any other he had ever known. He would have gladly given his life if God had just seen fit to save Will’s.

He hung his head in his hands as he had thought about their little family being torn apart. Will would be forever in their hearts and he prayed that they could draw stregnth from each other to get through this.

It hadn’t happened that way at all, Danny remembered.

His mind was brought back to the present by the sound of a horn. His taxi driver was honking at someone who had cut in front of them. He checked to make sure that they still had Michelle’s cab in view. It was still in front of them and they were still on their trail.

His mind drifted back to his previous thoughts. He had remembered how alone he had felt that night after leaving Will’s room. He had gone into check on Michelle. She had not fallen asleep yet and her cheeks were tear stained.

She held out her arms for him and immediately went into them. She wrapped her arms around him while he had cried. It had been the first gesture of comfort from Michelle and as he was to find out later, the last.

He had poured out his heart while crying in her arms. She had whispered in his ear words of love and comfort. They were going to make it, he had thought. Their love could help them triumph over this tragedy.

He had needed to feel close to her so had had begun kissing her. He needed the comfort that only she could give. They needed to be close to be able to share in their losing Will. She had pulled her head away from his kiss. He had tried again to kiss her and his hand had moved under her gown to touch her stomach to feel her warmth.

She had shrieked. That was the only word that fit. She had literally shrieked and called him a monster for trying to make love to her while Will was in that cold grave.

If she had taken hot piercing knives and repeatedly jabbed him through the heart, it would have hurt less than those words. She had screamed that she couldn’t believe that he was thinking about sex when they had just buried their son. She had told him to get out of the bedroom and not knowing what else to do, he had left. He had thought it was only temporary, but it didn’t turn out that way.

Michelle had never invited him to move back into their bedroom or her bed except for that one time.

It had been three weeks after Will’s death. She had shown no improvement whatsoever, was in fact sinking deeper into her depression daily.

That night he had come home from work, after stopping off at Will’s grave. Michelle had yet to visit their son’s grave. He had mentioned going together but she had put her hands over her ears and had shaken her head violently. He hadn’t brought it up again.

She had been dressed in a very sexy nightgown that evening. She had met him at the door dressed like that. Danny could not believe his eyes. Surely this wasn’t the same person that he had to beg to get out of bed every morning and face another day.

She had run into his arms. He had dropped his briefcase right there on the floor and taken her in his arms. This was the first time in three weeks that she had shown signs of coming back to him. His Michelle was returning to him.

She began kissing him fervently. He kissed her back just as urgent. “Make love to me, Danny,” she had said almost pleadingly.

He had picked her up and carried her into the bedroom she had been sleeping in alone for the last few weeks.

She began to pull at his clothes desperately. He was trying to help her then finally had to push her hands away altogether when she nearly strangled him trying to get his tie off.

Soon he was undressed and he took off her gown. He had pushed her onto the bed and they kissed passionately.

“Now Danny, Now,” she had cried. He had reached into their nightstand and grabbed one of the condoms in the drawer. She heard the foil packet being ripped and totally freaked out.

“NO, Danny, NO, don’t use that!” she had shouted. He was stunned.

“What is it Michelle?” he had asked. He was beginning to feel afraid again.

“I need you to make love to me without anything, Danny,” she had plead. “I need to be pregnant again,” she cried and all of his desire went out of him. This wasn’t about them, this was about Will again.

He got up from the bed and began to get dressed.

“What are you doing?” she asked with a cry. “Come back, Danny, please come back” and Danny saw then what he had been refusing to see.

They were not going to survive losing Will. Michelle was desperate to have another baby, one to make her forget about Will. He didn’t want to forget about Will. Now definitely wasn’t the time to be discussing another child. The pain was too raw.

Michelle had taunted him then. He to this day would never know what had possessed her to say the next thing that she had said. “What’s the matter Danny, are you turning down sex?” she had said.”Isn’t this what you’ve been wanting from me since the night of Will’s funeral?”

His Michelle had been lost to him forever with those words. She had descended so deep in her misery that she had destroyed the love that they had for each other. She didn’t believe in that love anymore.

Danny had thought long and hard about his next words. “You can’t replace Will, Michelle. You could have a dozen children and you could never replace him. Until you realize that, you are never going to be well,” he had said and quietly walked out of the room. She had picked up the alarm clock and thrown in against the door that he had just shut.

He had been hurt and he had been angry, but he hadn’t been surprised when he had come home that fateful day and found her gone with nothing but a letter and her ring. She had sugar coated it by eluding to the fact that he had not been able to completely legitimatize the business, but they had both known it was about her inability to move on after their son’s death.

He had granted her wish and had signed the divorce papers when he had received them. He had met Amelia just two months after that. He had been so desperate for some human comfort that he didn’t resist the night that she had taken him by the hand and led him to her bedroom.

He had closed his eyes and thought of Michelle the whole time. That it had been Michelle administering to his physical and emotional needs. Amelia had asked for no promises and he had offered none. She knew he loved Michelle.

Finally Michelle’s cab stopped at a modest looking hotel on the beach. He waited for her to step out of the cab before he told his driver to stop. He waited until she was safely inside before he paid his fare and went into the hotel himself.

He stayed in the foyer until she got her room key and went towards the elevators. He went up to the desk and asked for a room. The attendant told him there were no rooms available without a reservation.

Damn, he was going to have to go to another hotel. He couldn’t keep an eye on her if he had to go to another hotel. This was just great. He watched the young man behind the counter being relieved by an older woman. An idea struck him. He walked up to the lady who hadn’t gotten a chance to settle in yet. He knew it would be to his advantage to move now.

“Excuse me miss,” he said flashing his best smile. It had worked.

“Yes sir, can I help you,” she said.

“Yes, my wife Michelle Santos was supposed to book our room and meet me here, but I cant find her , she’s probably stopped at one of those vendors out on the street, she a sucker for cheap jewelry you see, anyway, could you give me a key please so I can just go on up and wait for her please?” he said.

“Of course Mr. Santos, but you understand I will have to ask for some identification,” she said.

“Naturally,” Danny said and produced his drivers license and passport. She looked at the pieces he had given her and deduced that everything was in order. She handed him the room key. He smiled and thanked her and went to the elevator.

He looked down at the number on the key and pushed the appropriate button on the elevator. He didn’t want to alarm her but it was time to let her know that he was here and she was going to have some help making sure this divorce went through correctly this time.

He wasn’t surprised to find that the idea of getting this divorce now made him as sad now as it had a year ago. And then he wondered what on earth it would take for him to ever stop loving Michelle.


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